Simple – I’m jealous of my ex’s new girlfriend. He was a tool, and a liar. But I still feel I wasn’t good enough for him, and think all the reasons this new girl is.
It’s really lowering my self esteem.
I know I shouldn’t be jealous, they deserve each other. But it still makes me feel like crap.
How do I stop feeling jealous and sad, and boost my self esteem back?
You’ve already taken a huge step.
You see that your ex is a prick and you realize that you’re feeling down because of self-esteem issues. That’s awesome. Just a quick wade through other questions and you’ll see a lot of women who think that means they still love the guy, completely oblivious of their insecurity and how it affects them.
Going forward, the most important thing you need to understand is that self-esteem and self-worth have the "self-" bit in there for a reason: They are things that you have to give yourself.
So ask yourself whether or not you like who you are as a person, whether you’re comfortable with yourself and think you deserve to have George Clooney and Johnny Depp fighting over you.
- Accept the things you have no control over.
Feeling bad about being short or not having perfect skin is about as silly as looking at a bird and feeling bad about not being able to fly. I mean, there’s really no point at all even thinking about that stuff, and you should laugh at yourself whenever you catch yourself doing it.
- Change the things you do have control over.
The one most people in the U.S./Britain have a problem with is their weight. Ignore the "fat acceptance" movement. I’ve worked in health care for years, and have a serious metabolic disorder myself. I maintain a healthy weight. I’ve known diabetics, amputees, developmentally disabled, and all sorts of other folks who manage to keep fit. It’s neither easy nor fast, but the results are incredible (you feel great both physically and emotionally).
This applies for everything else, too. Not happy with your job? Start taking classes (online or part-time) that will start you on the road to a better one. Don’t have enough friends? Find new friends through existing ones, volunteer at shelters/other organizations (you meet A TON of good people this way, and it’s also a feel-good experience), and so on. Change, or start yourself on the path towards changing, everything you’re unhappy about.
Keep doing those things until you can say "I am freaking awesome."