I have been in a relationship with my now wife for 2 years, doesn’t seem long but I fell hard for her. We got married about 4 months ago and now she tells me that she doesn’t love me the way I should be loved. She has told me this before we got married a couple of times, but I got so emotional that she just stuck it out. She also has a 4 year old daughter who I love as my own. She promises me that there is not another man involved. I pretty sure that I pushed her away because of my excessive jealousy. I would always be pestering her about the men at work and questioning her and that is what pushed her to the limits. What really broke the camels back is when I read some of her private facebook messages to her (girl) friends about how she was falling out of love with me and she thinks she made a mistake. I also checked her cell phone bill and questioned her about some numbers she had called, which turned out to be nothing. She also has commitment problems from her childhood and the way she was raised and me being the jealous person I am did not help that at all. Now she wants a divorce and I love her so much that I am having a hard time letting go. She has now moved out and has moved in with her grandmother, and all I do is think about who she’s talking to or who’s over there. I have asked her about counseling and she says she’s too far gone and a counselor can not make you love someone. I need help and advice on letting go and a way to stop these stupid jealous thoughts that I have, so I can have a normal relationship in the future. I knew there was nothing going on with her and anyone else, but in my head I would have the worst case scenero just keep playing over and over and it drove me to questioning her on everything she did. Thanks in advance.
You are too controlling and short of frisking her, all of this snooping was totally unwarranted. No one likes to be treated as a prisoner. You really need to learn to trust, calm down and give her some space. I think you may benefit from some individual counseling and let your wife know that you recognize that you have a problem you are willing to work on. Good luck.
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Technorati Tags: cell phone bill, commitment problems, falling out of love, i need advice on letting go, men at work, normal relationship, private facebook messages, stupid jealous thoughts, thanks in advance, worst case scenero
July 29th, 2010 at 8:33 am
When you are with someone, there has to be trust!
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July 29th, 2010 at 9:15 am
Only thing I can say is work on yourself and those thoughts and if she sees that you have changed and or maybe working to improve yourself, she might take note and want to give things another try…
It is funny how you could be doing many things right, but a little thing like jealously can rock the boat big time if the person is not able to shake it off.
It sounds like you have trust issues and maybe there are some things in your past you need to clear up, u know?
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July 29th, 2010 at 10:03 am
Facebook? You have to be f*cking kidding, right?
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July 29th, 2010 at 10:32 am
Hold on loosely. wait for her to call you. I know it’s hard but it’s for the best
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July 29th, 2010 at 10:43 am
I am dealing with someone similiar to you…except we arent married but he wants to be. He has scared me off with LOTS of things including not wanting me to talk to my guy friends that I work with who are on facebook and also doesnt want me to put current pics of myself on my profile. It sounds like you have trust issues and alot of people do…..you have got to STOP coming across as CONTROLLING with women. You cant control your partner or make them feel that you are trying. You may need to get some counseling for yourself…so you can be better in a future relationship. I feel for you and hope things get better for ya. Best Regards.
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July 29th, 2010 at 11:30 am
well its nothing wrong with being cautious with your heart but you were being a bit too much. When someone tell you they don’t wanna be with you its very hard to hear and grip when you love them. it may not be you she may not have been ready, sometimes the thought of being married and having a stand in father for your child sounds good but only hurts someone else in the end. she clearly said she made a mistake and she does not love you like that. all you can do is pick yourself up and keep moving its going to be hard but you really have nothing holding you to her no kids or anything, it maybe possible in the future to see her child but not now just let her go.Fill your time with yourself and learning yourself. work on you cause you need it! Prayer is my last advice look to GOD and he will send you a woman for you. Good luck.
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July 29th, 2010 at 12:19 pm
You are too controlling and short of frisking her, all of this snooping was totally unwarranted. No one likes to be treated as a prisoner. You really need to learn to trust, calm down and give her some space. I think you may benefit from some individual counseling and let your wife know that you recognize that you have a problem you are willing to work on. Good luck.
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July 29th, 2010 at 12:43 pm
Your relationship was weak from the beginning but getting counseling isnt too late. She is just making excuses. Counselors help you work through problems, no one promises it is a cure.
She should try before making judgements. Sure, it is easier for her to move in with a relative and say bad things about counseling but if she is that way, I get the impression she is just being selfish and maybe wants to ‘play the field’ and is having trouble telling you so.
Now, you say you have jealousy issues, well that is very common among men, and so is insecurity.
Maybe someone was unfaithful in your past and you never dealt with it. Without counseling, it can follow you around in your life and you will have the same relationship problems, take it from me. They don’t just vanish. It is ok though if you want to try counseling for you. It can help break through barriers, I promise you. Then if it doesn’t work out at all with your current wife after all, then at least you will feel better about yourself and be more confident.
Give it a try even if she just flat out won’t.
My best to you in life.
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mine. plenty of personal exp.