Okay, mucho-big problem. I am always feeling jealous. I know
it’s wrong, but I can’t help myself. My "best friend" absolutely
adores me. I know for a fact that she would do anything in the world
for me. But I don’t think I would. I’m always thinking about how I
need to look better than her. I always try to get better grades than
her. I feel like I never want her to be happy. My family is a lot
richer than hers, but I still get green whenever she has new clothes,
and feel happy when she fails at something. I don’t why, I know it’s
awful, but I get immense satisfaction when she’s embarrassed. I’m a
runner and on the track team, so she decided to do it with me, to my
utter annoyance. So this year, she seems to have slimmed out a bit.
And last year, she used to wear sweatpants all the time, while I
dressed up. Now she dresses up too. I get UNBELIEVABLE pissed off. Like it ruins my mood for the whole day. And whenever people
compliment her, I get all moody. WHY AM I SO COMPETITIVE AND WHAT SHOULD I DO TO STOP?
if i have self-esteem issues, how do i fix that?
Wow. You are brutally honest and you just made yourself look absolutely terrible.
First I have to say, that you need to think about your friends feelings. You seem to think a lot of her, even when you want her to fail. But, do you really like her? Or care about her? Because if you did, I think you would want good things for her.
You need to realize that all of this stems from you having self confidence issues. If you had high self esteem, then you wouldn’t feel the need to be so competitive with your "best friend." You need to figure out what it is that you like about yourself and be happy with that, instead of trying to always be better.