How do I stop being jealous of my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend?
My boyfriend was with his ex girlfriend for nearly two years before she broke up with him. Within three weeks we began dating. I had known and liked him for the last year of his relationship – but I was always respectful and non-expectant. Naturally she was upset and in the beginning of our relationship I was very supportive of him being friends with her and keeping in touch with her – I just stayed out of it and supported him. As the months went by she continued to call him multiple times a day and send him frequent messages (including a reminder of what would have been their two year anniversary). One insecurity I’ve had aside from getting with him so quickly after their break up is that he said he liked me the last six months of his relationship with his ex- what the hell? Good to know he liked me, but it seems like a negative in my mind that he didn’t end it with his ex when he supposedly liked me and their (long-distance) relationship wasn’t working (according to him!). Anyhow, they never had sex or said they loved each other and my boyfriend and I are months beyond both of those points and I’m still jealous of her! I hate hearing any positives about her (especially when I was so patient and supportive and she would still be mean, awkward, and gossipy about me) and they don’t talk or hang out regularly, but the last 2-3 months I became very jealous. My boyfriend says he would be jealous if I had a recent/long-term ex in the picture but he tells me not to be jealous and just forget about her. I feel like I tried caring too hard for too long and now I just want her gone. I’m not worried about them dating and so I suppose I’m just jealous about how I measure up to her (although he’s told me I’m smarter and get along better with his friends and family). They talk infrequently now, but I would prefer (for my own selfish reasons) that they not talk – I don’t know how to get over my jealousy! I need help!!
Although I am my boyfriend’s first girlfriend and there is no ex in the picture, I know what it’s like to be jealous.
Just know that no good AT ALL can come from being jealous. Your jealousy is irrational, and while I know that doesn’t make it easy to not have jealous feelings, it’s important to remember that it’s an irrational feeling. You KNOW your boyfriend loves you and he’s over his ex. If he wants to talk to her, there really isn’t much you can do – you really can’t tell him who he can/cannot talk to; it isn’t your place and you shouldn’t need to, because you trust him. I know it’s irritating but when he talks to his ex just know that’s all it is – TALKING. Remember he loves you, not her! He told you so… did he tell her that? No!
You might still feel a twinge of jealousy now and again but don’t act it out. Just be secure in yourself and trust that your man loves you.
Good luck.
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July 29th, 2010 at 8:17 am
it’s a long process and you may never get over her, but just constantly tell yourself, i have him, she doesn’t.
=]
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July 29th, 2010 at 9:04 am
you dont have to push yourself for your boyfriend to like you more… if he does love you, he will stop talking to the ex voluntarily himself.. insecurities sometimes make your emotions explode.. if you plan on staying with him, you have to give it a little time for him to get over the ex and just stay with him since you are basically in a rebound relationship.. it will take time for you to get over the jealousy too as long as there is still communication with the two, make plans with your boyfriend somewhere fun and memorable, do it as often as possible so he can cherish these moments with you rather than the ex’s. stay as close as possible to his family and friends, these will tighten up your relationship.. goodluck!
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July 29th, 2010 at 9:32 am
Well like the first person said just tell yourself that you already have him and try to ask him if he could not talk to her often so you know that there not together.And your jealousy should stop.Try going on more dates like to the movies or a romantic dinner.Mabe your jealous beacuse they have been together for a long time and you guys havent.Anyways what im trying to say is your probably not jealous.You just dont like the thing they do.
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My sorce is my mind.Your can be your mind.
July 29th, 2010 at 9:45 am
Its sounds to me like you’ve done the right thing all along and the fact that he is not talking to her as much is a great sign. I would say that you should be very proud of yourself.
Personally, I think that you have earned the right to share your exact feelings on this matter with your boyfriend. Whether you can expect him to never speak to her again is probably something that you shouldn’t ask of him, but at the bare minimum if you are able to talk about your anger, fear, and or jealousy, at least you will help ensure he continue to go down the road of speaking to her less and less… Clearly, you are much better for him then she was. Good Luck!
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July 29th, 2010 at 9:53 am
Although I am my boyfriend’s first girlfriend and there is no ex in the picture, I know what it’s like to be jealous.
Just know that no good AT ALL can come from being jealous. Your jealousy is irrational, and while I know that doesn’t make it easy to not have jealous feelings, it’s important to remember that it’s an irrational feeling. You KNOW your boyfriend loves you and he’s over his ex. If he wants to talk to her, there really isn’t much you can do – you really can’t tell him who he can/cannot talk to; it isn’t your place and you shouldn’t need to, because you trust him. I know it’s irritating but when he talks to his ex just know that’s all it is – TALKING. Remember he loves you, not her! He told you so… did he tell her that? No!
You might still feel a twinge of jealousy now and again but don’t act it out. Just be secure in yourself and trust that your man loves you.
Good luck.
References :
My life.
July 29th, 2010 at 10:10 am
it is hard when you are with someone that remains in contact with an ex, the feelings are hard to deal with. your significant other should cut ties out of respect to you, your feelings and your current relationship. hang in there, good luck.
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January 6th, 2012 at 6:29 am
Just finished reading I Hate His Ex by Alex Cooper. Brilliant read for anyone having relationship troubles to do with past relationships
xxxx
Check it out here I hate his ex