My boyfriend was with his ex girlfriend for nearly two years before she broke up with him. Within three weeks we began dating. I had known and liked him for the last year of his relationship – but I was always respectful and non-expectant. Naturally she was upset and in the beginning of our relationship I was very supportive of him being friends with her and keeping in touch with her – I just stayed out of it and supported him. As the months went by she continued to call him multiple times a day and send him frequent messages (including a reminder of what would have been their two year anniversary). One insecurity I’ve had aside from getting with him so quickly after their break up is that he said he liked me the last six months of his relationship with his ex- what the hell? Good to know he liked me, but it seems like a negative in my mind that he didn’t end it with his ex when he supposedly liked me and their (long-distance) relationship wasn’t working (according to him!). Anyhow, they never had sex or said they loved each other and my boyfriend and I are months beyond both of those points and I’m still jealous of her! I hate hearing any positives about her (especially when I was so patient and supportive and she would still be mean, awkward, and gossipy about me) and they don’t talk or hang out regularly, but the last 2-3 months I became very jealous. My boyfriend says he would be jealous if I had a recent/long-term ex in the picture but he tells me not to be jealous and just forget about her. I feel like I tried caring too hard for too long and now I just want her gone. I’m not worried about them dating and so I suppose I’m just jealous about how I measure up to her (although he’s told me I’m smarter and get along better with his friends and family). They talk infrequently now, but I would prefer (for my own selfish reasons) that they not talk – I don’t know how to get over my jealousy! I need help!!
Although I am my boyfriend’s first girlfriend and there is no ex in the picture, I know what it’s like to be jealous.
Just know that no good AT ALL can come from being jealous. Your jealousy is irrational, and while I know that doesn’t make it easy to not have jealous feelings, it’s important to remember that it’s an irrational feeling. You KNOW your boyfriend loves you and he’s over his ex. If he wants to talk to her, there really isn’t much you can do – you really can’t tell him who he can/cannot talk to; it isn’t your place and you shouldn’t need to, because you trust him. I know it’s irritating but when he talks to his ex just know that’s all it is – TALKING. Remember he loves you, not her! He told you so… did he tell her that? No!
You might still feel a twinge of jealousy now and again but don’t act it out. Just be secure in yourself and trust that your man loves you.
Good luck.