How can I get my mother to stop playing favorites?
It has been going on for some time. She attended all of my brother’s extracurricular activities in high school. I don’t remember her going to all of mine. My brother got his braces, a car, and many of his college expenses paid for by my mom. I had to live at home, take on student loans, and work two jobs to earn my degree. My freaking teeth are still crooked now that I have student loans to pay. I see the same kind of treatment with our respective wives. She is best friends with his wife. Last year she threw a big party for her birthday, while my wife did not even get a card. My wife is not a bad person by any stretch of the imagination. Being with her has given me tons more confidence, has made me less selfish, and overall made me a nicer guy. I am worried that when we have kids, they will be ignored while my nieces get spoiled rotten by Grandma. Maybe I am just jealous. Any thoughts?
Hi Jshamel:
Congradulations on surviving your mom! And you paid your own way. I am happy for you.
I don’t think things are going to change. I don’t know why, but sometimes people identify with their children and favour them. Perhaps you are most like your mom and you are independent and she sees this and doesn’t baby you, spoil you. Actually I see that you came out ahead. You are open, thoughtful, and hurt too. Thats okay that you see this, and when you have a family you won’t be favouring anyone for sure.
She gave you two gifts. Independence, and insightfulness.
Move along and love the heck out of your honey. You are amazing to have come out so whole…..forgive, and forget, and love.
luv Ava
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July 19th, 2010 at 2:06 pm
Tell Her I live Here To You No.
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July 19th, 2010 at 2:23 pm
Focus on your own life and see her for what she is. She’s not worth your emotional energy. I’m not saying break off contact, but don’t hold out hope she’ll ever change. Normal people do a much better job of hiding who their favourites are, whereas she’s, from what you say, gone out of her way to emotionally abuse (for that’s what it is) you. Believe in yourself – focus on your new family now.
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July 19th, 2010 at 2:43 pm
i know how you feel my mom favores me and not my brother. i kind of know how you fell its ok thought.have you sat down to talk to her at all let her know how you feel.
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July 19th, 2010 at 3:00 pm
Give up trying to make you mother adore you and your wife. be happy and treat her (mom) extra nice. beat out your brother. if it all fails. cut your wrists and bl33d to de4th
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July 19th, 2010 at 3:10 pm
Tell her how you feel and if she continues acting this way tell her that you can no longer have anything to do with her. You do not deserve to be treated like that and if she wants part of your life she should show you and your wife a little respect and if she can’t you don’t need her.
Good luck
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July 19th, 2010 at 3:31 pm
Hi Jshamel:
Congradulations on surviving your mom! And you paid your own way. I am happy for you.
I don’t think things are going to change. I don’t know why, but sometimes people identify with their children and favour them. Perhaps you are most like your mom and you are independent and she sees this and doesn’t baby you, spoil you. Actually I see that you came out ahead. You are open, thoughtful, and hurt too. Thats okay that you see this, and when you have a family you won’t be favouring anyone for sure.
She gave you two gifts. Independence, and insightfulness.
Move along and love the heck out of your honey. You are amazing to have come out so whole…..forgive, and forget, and love.
luv Ava
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July 19th, 2010 at 3:54 pm
let me guess you’re the elder ? if so you got to remember thats the baby… tell her how you feel ! and how you worry…. she may not relize she is being so obvious and if she does then shame on her
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July 19th, 2010 at 4:26 pm
If I were you I won’t wait any help from your mom or any nice things either.
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July 19th, 2010 at 4:53 pm
Sounds like you need to talk to your mother. Tell her that picking your brother over you has upset you. Since you are both married now, you want her to see that its not helping anything. You want kids one day, but you don’t want them hurt by her obvious favoritism. If she does to the grandkids what she has done with her own kids, ya’ll won’t be around much. Playing favorites hurts everyone, not just the ignored kid. You love her alot, but don’t want her actions making your future children feel less worthy of her love that the brother’s kids.
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July 19th, 2010 at 5:21 pm
Wangst wangst wangst.
Maybe you should just take care of yourself and not depend on your mother to do it for you. At least you got into school, at least you have a degree, at least you have teeth. Guess what; my teeth are crooked to–a gap in the middle even! But I realize that if I want to fix something in MY life I’m going to have to do it for MYself and not sit around until my mother offers to pay the expensive task for me.
So she didn’t send your wife a card; maybe it’s because she forgot or just doesn’t like your wife. It’s not like she’s abusing any of you, it’s not like when you have kids she’ll come over just to drop them on their heads. You’re an adult man, it’s time to live your own life and not try to get Mommy to run and coddle you at every whim.
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July 19th, 2010 at 5:48 pm
just talk to her.. maybe she sees something you dont see..sometimes things are not like what they seems to be. and besides…one day your brother will have to depend on they’re self..see how it goes then..
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