Feeling jealous of friend’s wedding because my partner’s ‘different’ and we do not ‘LOOK’ the ‘American dream?
I have found the love of my life. My best friend of many years has become my romantic partner and we are planning a future together.
He is everything I would want in a husband.
The ‘problem’ is that he suffered from restricted growth syndrome and basically stopped growing in his childhood. He had puberty and everything and is a normal adult male apart from his height which is Four foot something.
Now my friend had her ‘fairytale wedding’ with the merangue dress and looking lovely. Her husband is this tall prince charming looking guy. They make a lovely couple. I was happy for her but that was mixed with some jealousy. I know that you can not judge a relationship from the outside and just because they look great does not mean everything is perfect BUT am I a bad person for wanting that. When me & my guy are out together as a couple we get odd looks and pointing, and I know wedding photos will be something very different.
How can I get over this stupid thing? And how to stop being jealous of other people’s good fortune and how to focus on your own.
Before I get flamed, look I KNOW this is a shallow way to think, and in my rational thoughts I do not THINK like this but this is how I feel.
You cannot help feelings but can deal with your actions.
Diamonds do not come as big as paving stones
Nor does expensive perfume come in milk bottles.
0ne of my dearest friends stands at 4foot 4inches and she is a BIG person inside.
If some other people look at you askance well (in the immortal words of Compo. a UK Tv comedy character) "Chuff ‘em"
If you lived in the UK I would even conduct the wedding for you.
(Or have ny aforementioned friend do it!!)
Send me a slice of wediing cake!!
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July 21st, 2010 at 12:12 am
her husband may be tall but your husband is kind.
her husband may be good looking but your husband will be faithful.
all marriages and partnerships have their failings. if yours is just a height issue you are lucky!
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July 21st, 2010 at 12:29 am
One doesn’t measure a man by how tall he is. Your man needs to run from you as quickly as possible and look for a descent woman to marry.
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July 21st, 2010 at 1:16 am
pity. pray a lot darling
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July 21st, 2010 at 2:03 am
Come on love….I understand your heartbreak, but luckily we are not all the same, we are all different in our own unique ways. Dont you worry about your wedding, im sure that the photographer can get around any picture, to make you both appear the same height, you have found a man who loves and cherishes you. Remember, you could have ended up with a drug dealer, someone taller who abused you and made your life hell. Be happy for what you have, many im sure would envy you. x
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July 21st, 2010 at 2:45 am
I don’t mean to sound degrading or insulting, but for your wedding, why don’t you fashion a really stylish pedestal for him to stand on during the photos and the vows? It could be decorated and match the decor of the wedding? It’d all be up to him since if he didn’t feel comfortable with it, it wouldn’t work.
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July 21st, 2010 at 3:00 am
You have a wonderful partner, be grateful, other people get involved with bastards, Make the most of what you have and if you/he want to get married, then go for it and be a proud bride, that you have found the man of your dreams.
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July 21st, 2010 at 3:41 am
You should focus on the fact that he is the love of your life, and bear in mind that the fact that someone looks like Prince Charming doesn’t mean he IS Prince Charming…
Everytime you have a negative thought about his height just focus on how happy he makes you.
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July 21st, 2010 at 3:48 am
well.. if you love him thats all that matters.. as a woman i can understand you, you want to look good and when you think of wedding pics u want them to look good.. so i feel u on that but i mean u cant change the way ur bf looks.. and i mean.. it is what it is.. dont be so concerned off what ppl think, at least you’re happy and plus good looking ppl usually are not as happy cuz they are jealous but i mean idkk.. i look good and my bf looks good n i love walkin down the st with men jockin n females jockin its like yeaaaaa bt i mean just be more secure about your relationship.. but i dont think ur shallow but when you’re lil u imagine something diff you know its what DISNEY makes us think that its gonna be a tall prince yadayadayada and when we find love in someone tht doesnt fit the description is lke,.. hmm… bt yea good luck
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July 21st, 2010 at 3:59 am
it’s not shallow really you are a woman and women like weddings. end of. jus be glad you found the love of your life and your best friend coz alot of people dont. The people at your wedding will be friends and therefore should not judge you so dont worry about that, congratulations anyway and good luck
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July 21st, 2010 at 4:14 am
Maybe you should think about an alternative wedding? I heard about a couple who are getting married at Halloween so that their guests can dress up and the reception will be Halloween themed. Or you could have a simple registry office wedding with just a few friends and relatives to act as witnesses and a big reception afterwards.
Another idea is if you’re in New York or near enough, hire a Circle Line boat for the service and reception and that would be very different.
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July 21st, 2010 at 4:27 am
When you love your partner, you love your partner for everything…..
Seems to me that you have some insecurities….
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July 21st, 2010 at 4:47 am
The American Dream…read ‘Death of a Salesman’ if you haven’t already. You can chase the American dream all you like but you’ll never reach something that is made up in your head as ‘The Dream’. It will always change. Your friend as lucky as she may be will no doubt have fears of her own about her new man. Maybe he has some odd behaviors that only she knows about. Love is Blind to everything else remember that, the American Dream is a fabrication and something invented to drive economy’s back in the day. Don’t get trapped into that way of thinking.
its certainly not shallow of you…its a very natural reaction to society and you know people will look strangley at you but who honestly cares!!
It seems you know the answers but need re-assurance so here goes. If you’re happy and in love that transcends all on a Physical level.
Please don’t let yourself get sucked into that narrow way of thinking…society needs less of that and not more! Now every time someone looks at you or says something about the 2 of you, you can smile to yourself that your above and beyond that mentality.
Good luck and i wish you eternal happiness.
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July 21st, 2010 at 5:21 am
I get like that sometimes about other people. My man was not "ideal" or what i imagined for other reasons (nationality, religion, his ex-wife, kids…) BUT what I remind myself of is that I am so very happy and if I worry about what other people think from the outside, i will never be happy. I had hesitation for several months when he and i started dating and i have learned that he is the most loving, giving, selfless person and even though it is not the situation I imagined, I couldn’t be happier. I also know a few couples who look "perfect" from the outside but are not nearly as happy as we are. We don’t always get the fairytale we imagined, but sometimes that’s a blessing in disguise. (sidenote: if i married my "perfect" gorgeous ex, got the great wedding pix, i know i would be miserable now) You know how great your man is, you know how great he is – don’t worry about what it looks like from the outside, because we all know that doesn’t matter nearly as much! Take pride in the great love you have. And he can wear tall shoes as you wear flats at your wedding!
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July 21st, 2010 at 5:56 am
Well, I am not from America and don’t care about American dreams. So shouldn’t you!
I understand you. But try to look at it in this way: looks can be worth to admire, but even more admirable is a relationship where two people love each other and complete each other in a way that they want to marry and create a family! Stupid people who don’t know you and instead of look at you with odd faces – who cares! If they’d get to know you, they’d see that you have love between you and him, and that is not odd at all.
Don’t worry anymore, alright? Life is good and you have someone who loves you and who you love,too! What could be better than that? I am sure you’re great together and you’ll be happy now and in the future! Strangers will always be strangers and looks will disappear, but true feelings will remain! Think about that.
Take care!
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July 21st, 2010 at 6:33 am
You cannot help feelings but can deal with your actions.
Diamonds do not come as big as paving stones
Nor does expensive perfume come in milk bottles.
0ne of my dearest friends stands at 4foot 4inches and she is a BIG person inside.
If some other people look at you askance well (in the immortal words of Compo. a UK Tv comedy character) "Chuff ‘em"
If you lived in the UK I would even conduct the wedding for you.
(Or have ny aforementioned friend do it!!)
Send me a slice of wediing cake!!
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July 21st, 2010 at 7:21 am
You said, "I have found the love of my life. My best friend of many years has become my romantic partner and we are planning a future together.
He is everything I would want in a husband."
so what is the problem.
congratulations!!
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July 21st, 2010 at 7:49 am
You’ve answered your own question. You don’t like the looks and stares. You want a fantastic wedding with your husband tucked away behind your dress so no-one sees him. I don’t think this very nice man deserves you. Your concerns about what other people think are going to ruin this relationship so better to end it now and let the poor man find someone who loves him for himself because you certainly don’t.
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